


Forever Kind Of Christmas

by Libstar



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-19 21:39:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 8,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13132749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libstar/pseuds/Libstar
Summary: The A-Z of Christmas in the Forever Kind Of Love universe





	1. Advent Calendar

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't intend to post this until I had written all 26 one shots but events of the last week have meant that I haven't got half as much written as I planned to and mostly I want to share something now as a massive thank you to all the lovely people over on twitter who have offered me support and kind words in the last few days.
> 
> I feel so lucky to have stumbled into this community which is filled with such supportive people, you all know who you are and this fic is for you.

Bernie misses a lot of December's, a lot of christmases, but one thing she can do is make sure the family get in the Christmas spirit, enjoy the build up, know that she loves them, she's thinking about them even when she's not there. When it's just her and Serena she does it in little ways, it's not until Cam is old enough to start getting really excited about the build up that she thinks about advent calendars.

  
She finds the reusable fabric ones in the supermarket January sales, knows she is likely to miss Christmas that year, or at the very least most of December and can feel a plan forming. She enlists Adrienne to help her personalise them further, add her wife's name to one, Cam's to the other and then she starts to fill them slowly through the year. She fills them with little things chocolates, toy cars and small Lego sets for Cam, more expensive chocolates for Serena, a new lipstick, a small bottle of her favourite perfume, then vouchers to be redeemed when she next comes home, foot rubs, dinner out a night in  a hotel, little things that they both miss when they are apart.

  
The family grows and Bernie buys a new advent calendar for Charlotte and then Ellie, tries to keep them as personal as she possibly can, buys one for Jason when he comes to live with them so he doesn't feel left out of the family. The kids love them, Bernie loves making them and she continues the tradition even after she leaves the army and she's home every Christmas. Even when the kids get older, move out, she continues to fill them, sends them so they arrive on the first of December. She's of little doubt that they don't still brag about them to their friends like they used to when they were young but she knows they are no less appreciated and Charlotte shares some of her days gifts on her instagram account, uses the hashtag  'mymummasbetter' and puts a permanent grin on Bernie's face.

  
The Christmas after they lose Ellie, Bernie almost forgets, has spent so much of the last year blinded by grief. It's only Serena suggesting they they use the opportunity to get some little things for their trip to New York that prompts her memory. It's a rush but she manages it, makes sure to fill Serena's too, spends a little more on all of them than she usually would but knows that they all deserve it.

  
That year, for the first time, she receives her own parcel on december 1st, isn't ashamed to say she cries when she opens it, finds her own advent calendar inside the box, a card inside signed from her family, telling her they love her, that they appreciate her, that they thought it was about time she got in on their tradition too.

  
She's always known that the others appreciated her small gifts, that they helped to get them in the festive spirit, but she'd never realised exactly how special it felt to know that someone had put that much thought into a whole months worth of little surprises, hopes that it is something she can pass to her grandchildren too, a family tradition for all generations.


	2. Baby It's Cold Outside

Bernie looks out of the cottage window and bites back a sigh, rubs at her face; she is in so much trouble. The whole trip had been her idea, a chance for just the two of them to get away together before the festive madness crept in and their time was taken up with visits to Santa, school christmas plays and carol services. Even when the weather forecast suggested a country wide cold snap bringing ice and snow, when Serena had suggested that they postpone Bernie had insisted, shrugged it off repeated again and again that they never got snow that far south, that they'd be fine. Famous. Last. Words.

  
"Darling are you ready to go?" Serena asks from behind her, she can tell from the noise she is putting on her coat her fur hat no doubt already in place and Bernie turns to face her wearily.

  
"Erm, Serena, look out of the window." she says, braces herself for the disapproval.

  
"Oh, I know it snowed, but once you've cleared the drive the roads will be fine."Serena's smile is forced and they both know that they aren't getting anywhere any time soon but Bernie feels it necessary to humour her a little, hopes it might save her from the wrath a little later. It's lucky, she thinks, that they brought extra food so they won't starve.

  
"You sit tight," she says, pulls on her own ski jacket and wooly hat, "I'll clear the drive."

* * *

 

It takes her an hour, she snaps at Serena when she tries to help, bites her tongue when her wife stands on the veranda and offers what she assumes is supposed to be helpful advice. Serena is watching hopefully when she trudges back from the road, her face and hands are stinging with the cold but there is sweat trickling down her back, she doesn't have good news.

  
"The road is as bad as the drive," she says, drops herself onto the front step, doesn't dare look up at her wife, "Doesn't look like anything has been along it all night We aren't getting anywhere today." Serena doesn't say anything, stomps inside and slams the door, Benie flinches then flies a foot in the air when the snow that had been covering the roof comes down on her head, enough of it sneaking down the back of her jacket to make her shiver Pushing to her feet she shakes off the dusting, stops at the door to step out of her boots and then out of her waterproofs so she doesn't trail wet through the cottage, leaves her clothes out there and slips quietly into the building.

  
"Serena?" she tries, flinches when Serena spins to look at her with fire in her eyes,

  
"I told you," she spits "That the change in weather forecast made this a bad idea, but nooooo, Bernie Wolfe always knows best!" Bernie knows that there is no point trying to placate her so busies herself building the fire back up for their extra days stay. She can hear Serena stomping around behind her, hears the beginning of the phone call home, Serena snapping at Adrienne, her voice not softening until she speaks to Lottie.

  
"Ellie wants to talk to her mumma," she grumbles, drops the phone into Bernie's lap then stalks off, closes the bedroom door behind her.

  
"Hi Ellie," she says, sits back on her feet watches the fire start to take, "I know darling, I'm sorry, are you being good for Grandma?"

  
"Good, I'm glad, take a picture of your snowman for me ok? I love you darling I'll call you later on ok. Can you put Grandma on?"

  
"Hi Adrienne," she pushes up now that she's sure the fire has taken and wanders back towards the kitchen to put the kettle on, "I'm sorry about this, Serena is furious, we'll get back as soon as we can."They talk for a little longer, mostly Adrienne reassuring her that it's ok, that the kids are behaving themselves and they'll be fine for another day or two.

  
When they hang up she feels exhausted both mentally and physically so she moves back towards the living room, is drawn to the fire and throws a few of the big pillows down in front of it, curls up amongst them. There's no point trying to speak to Serena when she's like this she learnt the hard way a long time ago that it's best to give the other woman time to calm down, so she lets her eyes slip shut, succumbs to her bodies need for a nap.

* * *

 

She wakes up t fingers combing through her hair, opens her eyes slowly to find Serena looking down at her apologetically.

  
"Hi," she says, coughs to clear the sleep from her throat, "I'm sorry about this."

  
"No, I'm sorry I blew up, it can't be helped and I couldn't see the positives at the time."

  
"And what are the positives?" Bernie chuckles pushes herself up, accepts her wife in to her lap, the brunettes arms resting over her shoulders, her knees bracketing her hips. She slowly lowers herself back so she's lying, pulls her wife down on top of her. slides her palms over her back under her jumper.

  
"Well," Serena smirks, kisses her long and lingering, "You, me, no interruptions. I'm sure we can find plenty to fill the time."


	3. Carols

Halloween is barely over when Bernie starts to hear Serena humming snatches Christmas songs, mostly carols when she's pottering around the house or the office, when she's in the shower in the morning.

  
By the beginning of December the christmas CDs have moved out into the car, Carols at Kings is Serena's firm favourite and she joins in with every song, her rich alto bringing a smile to Bernie's face even as the kids roll their eyes. Serena is an all round happy person, doesn't let an awful lot get her down but at Christmas the joy in her bubbles over, leaks into absolutely everything she does. Bernie would never choose to listen to carols herself but when Serena starts singing them she just can't get enough.

  
Serena is in the kitchen when she gets home from a late shift one night and she's drawn in that direction by the smell of food, the soft lights and the sound of her wife singing O Holy Night along with the radio. Bernie slips off her shoes and pads through, finds Serena leaning against the bench, staring un seeing at the far wall as she sings, her hand fiddling with the chain around her neck. Her gaze and her singing falter when Bernie enters her peripheral vision and the blonde is around the bench in a flash, tucking her arms around her waist, propping her chin on her shoulder.

  
"Keep singing," she urges, sags against the other woman's back as she lets the sound soothe her, it's been a tough day, the lead up to the festive period always bringing with it a busier ward but, she thinks, if she can return to the warmth of home, her wife and her singing, she might just be ok.


	4. Decorations

It's a long time since they've had company decorating the tree, the kids have long since grown up, moved out and had families of their own and even before that there was nothing quite as uncool as staying home with your parents to decorate the tree. But this year, Serena had agreed to babysit the grand kids so their parents could enjoy their work Christmas nights out without having to worry about getting up with the children the next morning. Then, when she had realised that it was 2nd December, Serena had decreed it as good a time as any to put their christmas decorations up. So, Bernie had spent her day off up and down from the loft with box upon box of decorations and lights, their tree, delivered the previous day, standing in the bay window waiting to be decorated.

  
By the time Serena sweeps through the door, Ruby balanced on her hip, Max and Ellie-May trailing behind her, the living room is full of boxes and the house smells of warm gingerbread. Bernie comes out of the kitchen wiping her hands on her jeans, an easy smile on her face has to think fast as Ruby throws herself from Serena's arms into her own.

  
"Hello munchkin," she smiles, rubs her nose against the little girls and then turns to the other two, accepts hugs and kisses, beams proudly when Max tells her that he got an award that day, then finally straightens to greet her wife, rosie cheeked and smiling.

  
"Hi," Serena, smiles, kisses Bernie's cheek, rubs their noses together,

  
"Hi yourself," she smiles, holds onto a few precious moment of stillness before the kids are clamouring for their attention again. "Who wants milk and cookies?" she asks as they step away from each other, chuckles at the resounding chorus of yes from around her and leads the way into the kitchen.

* * *

 

Once their snacks are finished and cleaned up Serena keeps Max and Ellie-May occupied spreading decorations through the house while Bernie covers the tree in lights, Ruby, her constant shadow, watching her from the armchair, gumming at a teething ring and babbling happily. When she's happy that the lights are where she wants them she calls the others back into the living room and they start on the remaining boxes of baubles and ornaments. 

  
"Aunty Ellie!" Ellie-May exclaims, holding up the bauble with Ellie's smiling face in it that's been part of their tree since their very first Christmas without her. The kids know all about their Aunty despite having never met her and any conversation they have about her warms Bernie through.

  
"Do you want to put her on the tree sweetheart?" Serena asks, strokes the girls blonde hair out of her face,

  
"Really?" the look on her face is priceless and Bernie grabs for her phone, opens the camera app because she knows that she'll want to remember this, that she'll want to share it with the kids.

  
"Of course," Serena smiles, throws a wink over her shoulder to Bernie, "Now where do you think she should go?"

  
Ellie-May decides her aunty should go near the top of the tree, close to the star that her daddy will put on top of the tree when he comes to pick her and Max up in the morning. Bernie manages to get several pictures, moves to take a close up of the bauble where it hangs, sends them all in the family chat for the kids to see when they get the chance. By the time they are done it is tea time and while they eat Max and Ellie-May put together a very convincing argument to watch A Muppets Christmas Carol in a blanket fort before bedtime and so it is decided that while Serena takes care of bath time Bernie will ready the living room for movie time.

  
It's no surprise when the kids fall asleep half way through the film, Ruby curled on Bernie's chest, Ellie-May cuddled into Serena's side and Max curled up on his own a little way from them all. They make a silent decision to watch the rest of the film before carrying them up to bed and Serena shuffles around a little until her head comfortably rests on Bernie's shoulder.

* * *

 

Serena is back in the fort with a bottle of wine and two glasses when Bernie returns from settling Ruby and she chuckles, crawls in beside her wife who kisses her hot and lingering almost the minute she is close enough, an unmistakable glint in her eyes. She's put on a CD of Carols rather than find something on the TV and they curl up together, share their wine it isn't long before Serena's hands begin to wander.

  
"You sure?" she asks carefully covers her wife's hands with her own, menopause and Serena's depression rearing its ugly head have effected the brunettes sex drive massively and Bernie doesn't want her to feel like she needs to.

  
"I'm sure," Serena flips one of her hands and links their fingers together squeezes their joined hands, "and what's more to the point, I want to. Maybe it's the christmas lights, or the wine, or maybe it's the power of the blanket fort. But whatever it is, I know I want you Bernie, so please, just let me."


	5. Exhausted

Serena flops down onto the sofa after she closes the door on her mother and rubs tiredly at her face, looks at the clock and can't believe that it's only six o'clock, that it's at least another hour until Bernie finishes the christmas day shift at the hospital and comes home and she has to do at least some of it all over again. The kids are all in their rooms keeping themselves entertained, the dishwasher is on and there's nothing more she can do for now so she pulls her throw from the back of the sofa and curls up underneath it, thinks she deserves a nap after hosting christmas dinner and keeping everyone entertained all day.  
She doesn't wake until a cold hand strokes across her cheek, allows a lazy smile when her eyes flutter open and Bernie is smiling down at her, looking as exhausted as she still feels.  
"I just wanted you to know I was home," she says, lays a kiss against Serena's forehead, "Now go back to sleep."  
"You'll be hungry, I'll fix your dinner." she says but she's already drifting, she's vaguely aware of her wife chuckling above her  
"That can wait for now, I'm going to go and see the kids, have a shower. You sleep, I love you."

* * *

 

The next time she is coaxed awake Bernie presses a hot chocolate into her hands and she inhales the warm smell of it, knows immediately that it is laced with a generous slug of brandy; the kids have come downstairs and there are leftovers and nibbles spread across the low coffee table.  
"Everyone had started getting a little peckish," Bernie says by way of explanation, "thought you might want to join us."  
"How was the hospital?" she asks once she's woken a little more and Bernie turns to her, shrugs, a little resigned.  
"Three RTC's, two trauma surgeries."  
"And a partridge in a pear tree?" she asks, eyebrow raised,  
"Mhm," Bernie nods, settles beside her leans into her, "And a partridge in a pear tree."


	6. First Christmases

Bernie misses Cam's first christmas by three weeks. She's never happy to miss the holiday but on this occasion it feels even harder, especially since she is set to miss her sons first birthday too. She hadn't been able to look back at her family at the family she was leaving behind at airport for fear her tears would fall. She speaks to them on Christmas day on a very poor, crackling Skype connection and wishes more than anything in the world that she was there with them, wishes she could have watched her son open his presents, that she could kiss her wife under the mistletoe give her the presents she has left behind for her in person.  
"We love you," when their time is almost up, "Just get yourself back to us safe."  
She cries herself to sleep that night for the first time in recent tours, vows to herself that she'll never stop making her absences up to her family.

* * *

 

She gets home on christmas eve the year that Charlotte is born, more by good luck than good management, hadn't told anyone that she was going to be home, almost sure that it would be closer to the new year that she managed to get back. The long journey is made more than worth it by the looks on her families faces; Charlotte isn't old enough to understand the significance but Cam catapults himself at her legs with an excited squeal and Serena, well, Serena is the most surprised of all. She keeps her distance until Cam is occupied and Charlotte is down for a nap before she sags against her wife and Bernie wraps her up in an embrace, kisses the top of her head.  
"You're home," she murmurs against the blondes neck, damp and warm and Bernie holds her tighter.  
"I'm home," she agrees, "Merry Christmas darling."

* * *

 

Ellie's birthday and Christmas come in quick succession or at least that is what it feels like and yet again Bernie misses one of her babies first christmases. Although Serena assures her that this won't really count, that Ellie will be barely two months old by the time the day comes and the next year will be much more important she is still devastated. It's made even worse by the fact a road side bomb goes off early christmas morning and Bernie spends most of the day in surgery, loses far more people than she cares to think about and by the time the last patient is stable, a civilian girl no older than Camhe sun is beginning to rise on Boxing Day. Connections are patchy on the base, set slightly further into the mountains, so she doesn't even attempt Skype, curls up in her bunks with her tour phone and calls Serena's mobile, breaks down the minute her wife answers and tells her in fits and starts why the call is a day late, apologises and apologises again that she isn't there, that she isn't home.

* * *

 

She makes sure the first Christmas after she is blown up is perfect for all of them. Serena looks at her disapprovingly when she sees the sheer size of all of their piles of gifts, Bernie simply shrugs, kisses her wife on the cheek. She nearly lost the opportunity to do this she knows she'll never take what she has for granted again, will never miss a chance to spoil her family again.


	7. Gingerbread

It's not often Serena trusts Bernie in the kitchen alone, the two exceptions are her homemade pizza, something that Bernie has been making since their university days when Bernie's pizza was the talk of their class, always requested when they were having people over and gingerbread cookies that Bernie learnt to make with her grandmother as a child and has made every christmas since.  
The year Lottie asks for a gingerbread house Serena seriously considers rewriting the list.

* * *

 

It's been a long day when Serena finally pushes through the door and into the house, the ED has been packed with the usual festive hijinks and all she wants to do is flop on the sofa with a large glass of wine. She notices the smell first, the hall smells like burning, burnt sugar if she's not mistaken. With a sigh she heads towards the kitchen, assumes that is where she will find her wife wishes she hadn't gone looking the minute she steps through the door. The smell is stronger there, definitely burnt sugar and Bernie is stooped low scrubbing something in the sink. The room looks like a bomb has gone off, she tries not to think about the puddle of royal icing on the floor or the fact t is still dripping of the bench. In the middle of it all, standing proud on the kitchen island is a gingerbread house with delicate icicles hanging from the roof coloured windows, a perfect garden path. Serena smirks despite herself, might have known that as soon as Lottie started going on about a gingerbread house her wife wouldn't be able to resist trying.   
Still unaware that she is being watched Bernie flies a foot in the air when Serena clears her throat.  
"Fuck," she mutters, rubs at her head where she cracked it off the cupboard, Serena smiling fondly as she watches her wife rub soap suds into her hair, "And you say I should wear louder shoes!"  
"Sorry," Serena smiles, not sorry in the slightest, moves across the room to kiss her wife on the cheek, "What on earth happened in here?"  
"I meant to have all sorted before you got home," Bernie sighs, "Sorry, this gingerbread house lark is harder than it looks. On the plus side there are three botched attempts over there that have remained edible." Serena knows her eyes have lit up when Bernie chuckles but she doesn't care, her wife's gingerbread will forever be one of her guilty pleasures.   
"How can I help?" she asks when she has sated her cooking craving for the moment and Bernie shakes her head, reaches out to brush her fingers over her cheek.  
"Go upstairs and have a shower, spend some time with the kids," Bernie prompts, "And no buts, I have everything under control. You go and relax for a while and I will come and get you when dinner is ready."  
"You're sure?" she asks, though she's not about to argue too hard.  
"I'm sure," Bernie kisses her lightly, turns her until she is facing the door and taps her on the backside, "Now go on Mrs Wolfe, I promise the place will be spotless by the time I serve dinner."


	8. Home for the Holiday

The grandfather clock in the hall strikes midnight just as Bernie is closing the front door and she presses her forehead against it, breathes out slow and steady, She's done it, it's Christmas day and she's home, will be there to surprise her family in the morning even if it hasn't happened exactly the way she has planned. She drops her pack by the front door to move later, trudges through to the kitchen for a glass of water and smiles when she finds the room decorated just as much as she knows the sitting room will be. She moves back to the living room, smiles at the lights still twinkling on the tree and the plate laid out for Santa, Serena has taken a bite out of the carrot, left nothing but cookie crumbs behind but the tumbler the sits beside it all still has two fingers of whiskey sitting in the bottom and Bernie grins, picks up the glass and knocks it back, enjoys the burn of it it had been her who had persuaded Cam that Santa might prefer something a little stronger than milk after all.

  
Not wanting to wake anyone up before morning she curls up on the sofe, falls asleep with the fairy lights burnt into the back of her eyes, dream of nothing for the first time in weeks. She doesn't wake again until a solid weight lands on her stomach and she opens her eyes to find her son staring down at her, his tiny hands on her face, he's crying and Bernie looks over his shoulder, finds Serena crying too.

  
"Hey my little soldier, why the tears?" she asks gently, sits herself up and wipes his face, wraps her arms around him when he throws himself at her.

  
"I told Santa all I wanted was you home and you're here."

  
"I am," Bernie smiles against his head, holds her hand out for Serena, pulls the other woman until she is sitting beside her, wraps her in the same embrace, kisses her temple, "He dropped me off with your presents, said that you'd been a very very good boy this year."

  
"I have," he nods and Bernie chuckles, coaxes his head out of her neck, presses their foreheads together,                          

  
"I know you have darling," she smiles, rubs their noses together in an eskimo kiss "Santa said thank you for his whiskey too and his cookie." Serena snorts a laugh against Bernie's shoulder and although it is a wet sound it is perfect, she squeezes her tighter. "I love you guys. Merry Christmas."                                 


	9. Ice Skating

“Come on mumma” Cam calls from his place in the centre of the ice, his feet constantly moving to keep himself upright, waving at Bernie to come and join him. Would if I could, she thinks, jumps slightly when one foot slides slightly, redoubles her hold on the barrier to keep herself up, she feels ridiculous but she is terrified.

It had been Serena who suggested they take the kids ice skating now they were all old enough and Bernie had agreed without really thinking about it, hadn’t thought about it at all until she was lacing up her hired boots, watching people slide and stumble, a few of them fall over altogether. She feels guilty that she wasn’t really concerned for the kids as much as she was concerned for herself, thinks it should definitely be the other way round but is consumed by the thought she is about to do something that runs a high risk of serious injury, knows that if she falls she won’t bounce back up like the kids will.

Serena had clearly done this before, was perfectly comfortable on her skates holding onto Charlotte who was less than sure but at least willing to give it a try and Ellie had been off like a rocket the minute both of her feet hit the ice, like it was more natural to her than walking, that just left Bernie, clinging desperately to the barrier, wanting to join her family but cripplingly terrified of falling, of the damage it would do to her back.

When she blinks back to the moment Cam is by her side offering her a reassuring smile and his hand.

“Come with me mumma,” he says when she tangles their fingers together, “I won’t let you fall.” It’s tentative but she lets her son guide her, one hand hovering over the barrier, but at least she isn’t clinging onto it for dear life anymore. Serena catches her eye with a wink, a mouthed I love you and she lets Cam pick up the speed a little bit. She’s still terrified of falling, damaging her back, but her son is confident and that confidence rubs off on her a little. There’s a little wobble as they round the bottom edge of the rink and she has to stop for a moment, closes her eyes and fights to bring her heart rate down, but when she opens her eyes again Cam is smiling up at her, her patient little soldier and Ellie has come to her other side, is grinning at her with a twinkle that is all Serena in her eye, as they always have, her children make her brave, they make her strong and they make her want to make them proud.


	10. Jumper

“What’s this?” Bernie asks, picks the offending article up between two fingers and waves it at Serena who is watching her through the bathroom mirror.

“It’s a Christmas jumper darling, I thought the snowman might give it away,” Serena smirks, pokes her tongue out when Bernie frowns at her.

“No, I know that much, what I meant was, where is my shirt and why has it been replaced with this?”

“Then you should say what you mean,” Serena’s smirk only widens as Bernie begins to look more and more put out, “It’s Christmas jumper day darling,”

“You know I don’t...”

“It’s for charity,” Serena cuts her off, turns so her wife can see her own jumper, complete with working fairy light, “the whole ward is doing it, you’d know if you paid the slightest bit of attention, you’ll be the odd one out of you don’t wear it.” She moves towards the blonde and strokes her cheek, “I kept it black, so t wouldn’t interfere with your aesthetic too much.” She chuckles and Bernie rolls her eyes, tugs her close by her hips.

“You owe me though,” she mutters, “if I wear it.”

“You will wear it,” Serena insists, uses a tone reminiscent of the one she uses when she’s trying to get one of the kids or an F1 to do something the don’t really want to do. “And you’ll reap your reward when I see fit.”


	11. Kisses under the Mistletoe

Bernie isn’t sure who it was that first introduced her son to the idea of mistletoe, has a sneaking suspicion it was probably Fletch, but things his instance upon hiding it around the house every year to catch his mothers unaware is entirely down to his own sheer force of will. From him being eight they start to find sprigs of the plant stuck around the house, their height from the ground increasing year on year as he grows until they are actually where they should be, above people’s heads.

She doesn’t mind it in the slightest, doesn’t need a reason to kiss her wife in the comfort of their home but likes the excuse all the same and it’s always fun to see where Cam has planted his traps every year, knows the boy prides himself on being able to find more and more ridiculous places to put it, though she doesn’t think he’ll ever beat the innocence of sticking a sprig as high up the shower screen as he could reach at the age of nine, will never traumatise him by reminding him of the fact or divulging exactly what that little trick lead to. It was exquisite and not something she forgets in a hurry.

As all of the kids get older they groan every time their parents share a moment while they are in the room. But it doesn’t stop the mistletoe appearing, doesn’t stop them using it for its purpose though when the kids are around they try and keep it chaste, save them all the embarrassment of knowing that their mothers are still very much in love, are still very much in a physical relationship. When they are alone though, all bets are off and Bernie often finds herself loitering under sprigs of green so she can catch her wife around the waist, kiss her once, twice, three times or pin her against the nearest surface and kiss her long and deep, or, if she’s feeling particularly moved, kiss everything but her lips until she has stolen the breath from her lungs with her mouth alone.


	12. Letters to Santa

Serena sighs as she reads the letter to Santa that Cam has pushed into her hands before he went to sleep that night and begged her to send to the North Pole, rubs a hand over her face and flops into the arm chair the piece of paper clutched in her hands.

_Dear Santa_  
My name is Cameron, I think I’ve been a very good boy and there’s only two things I want for Christmas this year. My mumma is away a lot, she looks after other little boys and girls who are in danger but I’d really like her to come home this Christmas and make my mummy smile. Second, I’d really like a little brother, I love Lottie but she doesn’t like to make mud pies or climb trees, mumma does those things with me but I’d like someone here all the time who would.   
Merry Christmas Santa  
Cameron Wolfe

Christmas Day was going to be horrible; she already knew that Bernie wasn’t going to be back in time to celebrate Christmas with them, probably wouldn’t be back until February but things had already changed once so it was a mystery really. She didn’t know how she was supposed to save their son from the disappointment, save him from losing his belief in Santa, she knew it would happen eventually but she didn’t want it, not just yet.

By the time her phone rings she feels no better and Bernie must be able to hear it in her voice.

“What’s going on?” She asks immediately and Serena is sure her mind is probably running to all the worst case scenarios, “are you and the kids ok?”

“We’re fine,” Serena soothes, “honestly, sorry. Cam just gave me his letter to Santa and I already know he’s going to be disappointed on Christmas morning.”

“Oh. What does he want this year?” Serena takes a breath, reads the letter back to her wife, hears the other woman sigh.

“Serena there’s no way I.....”

“Darling I know,” she says gently, “I’m not having a go, I understand and so does Cam, I just know he’s going to be disappointed, especially when the last time he asked for you home for Christmas you actually turned up!”

“I’ll have a think and see what I can do, it won’t be me obviously but hopefully I’ll be able to think of something that means he’s not too disappointed. As for the little brother, maybe it’s time we tried again, I know a brother is no guarantee but we had talked about a third.”

“When I know for certain when you’ll be back I’ll make an appointment at the clinic, try and be ready for implantation while you are home.”

“I’d like that,” Bernie says and Serena can hear the smile in her voice, feels her own tug at her face, “I love you darling.”

“Love you too Bernie. Now, tell me about the last few days.”


	13. Market

Their first shared run of days off together in December Serena declares a Christmas shopping day and Bernie grudgingly goes along with it despite the fact she would much rather do all of her shopping online than brave the shops, has already ordered most of the things she needs herself. Serena promises that because it’s mid week it won’t be as busy as it would be if they waited until the weekend and all Bernie can do is nod and follow her to the car, her driving motivation the promise of coffee before they start and whiskey when they finish.

Bernie is pleased that Serena was at least half right, it’s not too busy in the shops though busier than she is usually comfortable with, her wife also has a comprehensive list that she has found the time to make at some point and Bernie quickly realised she is only really there to carry bags, something she is more than happy to do once she has a coffee in hand. They break for lunch and Serena guides them in the direction of their favourite little Italian where they share a pizza between them, indulge in a small glass of Shiraz each as a reward for getting this far.

“I thought we could have a look at the Christmas market this afternoon?” She suggests when they are finished their food and are just finishing off the last of their wine and Bernie frowns, isn’t sure she likes the sound of that because the Holby Christmas market is notoriously packed regardless of when you go, “if it’s too busy we don’t have to.” Serena adds, sensing that she’s unsure and covers her hand, squeezes lightly.

“Ok,” Bernie nods eventually, drains the last of her glass, “but can I suggest we take this lot back to the car first?” She says gesturing to the bags that are now piled around them both, she hopes the sheer volume of things means they are almost done and that the walk around the Christmas market is just for fun.

* * *

  
It’s quieter than she expected so Bernie happily links her fingers with her wife and wanders around the stalls. The air is filled with the smell of mulling wine and street food and although they only just ate lunch Bernie thinks she could be tempted to try something before they leave. Serena is a lot more relaxed than she was in the shops, has put the list away and is happy just to wander and Bernie breathes a sigh of relief, thinks these are sure signs that the afternoon is just for them. It’s not long before Serena insists on mulled wine, presses onto her toes to press a light kiss to Bernie’s mouth when the blonde agrees to drive them home so she can indulge, the image of Serena face, flushed rosie from the cold, her eyes twinkling, making it worth it. They reach a stall of woolly hats and Serena insists they both try one on, picks up a brightly coloured one covered in sheep for Bernie, a huge furry one for herself, then insists they take a selfie, their faces pressed close together, both smiling, eyes sparkling, she puts it straight into the family group chat, jokes that it will be their Christmas card this year and Bernie thinks it’s worth being out of her comfort zone to see the smile on her wife’s face, the twinkle in her eyes.

They spend another hour wandering and Bernie manages to sneak back to buy the ridiculous hat for Serena plus a necklace she’d pointed out, lingered over long enough that Bernie knew she was resisting the temptation of buying it for herself, stuffs them in her back pack until she decides if she’s giving them now or keeping them for Christmas, she’s never been very good at gifts, always wants to tell the person as soon as she has bought them so it’s a sheer force of will that stops her throwing them immediately at her wife. By the time they get back to the car Bernie is cold to the bone, her back beginning to ache, but she slides behind the wheel as she promised, knocks the heating up a notch and tells herself that she’ll be fine after a bath.

* * *

 

The kids are all home when they get back and Cam has lit a fire, stacked more wood by the fire place to keep it going for as long as they need. Jason is unsure to start with, hasn’t been with them long, hasn’t quite gotten used to the big family he’s found himself in the middle of and Bernie can only hope that that will change, that he realises how much they all care for him and want to support him and that one day he will fully relax into family life. His eyes light up when Bernie promises him a pickled egg with his fish and chips, he grins when she asks him to go with her. They’ve struck up a strange type of bond, both quiet souls in the middle of a boisterous family, she thinks it helps that she knows a lot about military history and that she’s willing to watch his documentaries with him too. They travel in silence but it’s not uncomfortable as it once was between them and Bernie knows that Jason is using the time to decompress the same as she is, is happy to let the silence lie until Jason is ready to break it.

“Auntie Bernie?” He says eventually, they are already on their way home.

“Yes Jason,” she offers, doesn’t take her eyes off the road, knows he wouldn’t approve.

“I struggle with Christmas, I’ve never been very good at buying present for people, my mum used to help me but now I don’t know what to do,” she knows he misses his mother, imagines it’s an even bigger feeling around this time of year,

“I can help you,” she offers, pulls into the drive but doesn’t turn off the engine just yet, “I have Saturday off, we can go into town or we can go online and see if we can find what you want?”

“I’m not very good in town when it’s busy,”

“That’s fine, we’ll talk about what you might like to get then see what we can do without going out. We can do it once I’ve dropped Cam off at football?”

“Ok, thank you auntie Bernie,”

“You’re welcome Jason,” she smiles, the smile widening when he offers one of his own, “now come on, we’d better get all of this inside before it gets cold.”


	14. Nativity

“Mumma, mumma, mumma!” Ellie shouts, running through the house to find Bernie who was sat in the study doing paper work, the blonde looks up at the commotion, smiles at her daughter practically vibrating with excitement in the doorway. “I come in mumma?”

“Of course darling,” Bernie smiles, pushes herself away from the desk and accepts the girl into her lap, “now what’s all the excitement about?”

“We got our parts for the ‘tivity,” Ellie was practically vibrating and Bernie stroked her hair out of her face, doesn’t get a chance to ask before the excitement becomes too much, “I get to be Mary!”

“Oh darling that’s wonderful,” she beams, kisses her girls forehead, Cam had been an inn keeper on his time, Lottie a lobster (Bernie hadn’t understood either) but neither of the older two had been that bothered about their parts in the reception class nativity play, Ellie on the other hand had had her heart set on Mary for weeks.

“You’ll come and see it?” Ellie’s face is hopeful and Bernie’s glad that she’s now at a point where she never has to let her children down, wishes she had been able to do as much for Cam and Lottie while they were that age, tries not to dwell on what she has missed.

“Of course darling, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

* * *

 

Bernie makes sure she gets there early, snags two seats front and centre and plays words with friends until some familiar faces show up, shares small talk with them until the audience is hushed and the lights begin to drop, Serena slides into the seat beside her just in time.

“Sorry I’m late,” she whispers, kisses Bernie on the cheek as she settles into the chair, “last minute emergency came in,”

“You’re here, that’s all that matters,” she smiles, takes her wife’s hand and squeezes it as the stage lights come on.

If anyone suggests after the fact that Bernie might have cried at a school nativity play she will deny it with everything she is but she does, her little girl is so good, and that might just be her being biased but as far as she is concerned her daughter is a star in her homemade costume. She remembers every line even when the little boy playing Joseph stumbles over one of his, sings out the loudest in the carols and Bernie doesn’t think she’s ever been so proud.

When it’s all done Ellie comes bounding out into the hall, throws herself at her mumma, then her mummy, chatters about the play they have just watched and all the pair of them can do is tell her how proud they are of her, how much they love her. They have a little bit of time before the others finish school so they take her for hot chocolate, let her talk and talk about what has just happened powerless to do anything but grin at their little girl who is growing up so fast.


	15. Ornaments

“Shit,” Bernie mutters, folds the box closed again and closes her eyes, tries desperately to come up with a plan, a way to explain the headless snowman and wingless angel lying in the bottom of the box to her wife. Serena had trusted her to put everything away the previous year because she had been at work and Bernie had had a few days off and the blonde had honestly thought she had been careful, obviously not careful enough.

“Everything ok mum?” Charlotte asks, sticking her head round the door of the spare room, when she sees the look on Bernie’s face she steps inside. “What’s up?” Bernie says nothing, just opens the box and points inside, can’t ignore Charlotte’s grimace as she takes in what is inside. “Oh.”

“Mhm”

“And the other boxes?”

“I haven’t dared look,” Bernie shrugs, “she trusted me to put everything away last year, she’s going to go ballistic!”

“Who’s going to go ballistic,” Serena asks, breezing into the room and Bernie slams the lid down on the box regardless of how obvious that makes things, “Bernie?” Serena says and there is a hint of warning in her voice.

“On that note...” Charlotte says, backs slowly out of the room to leave her parents to it, all Bernie can do is glare at her.

“What’s in the box,” Serena prompts and Bernie can think of nothing to say or do that will help, steps away from the box and lets her wife crouch down next to it, braces herself, “Oh,” Serena says, fingers at the broken shards in the boxes then pushes to her feet, shrugs her shoulders, “never mind,”

“Never mind?” Bernie asks, can’t believe that that’s all she will hear on the matter.

“Yes, never mind, now come on, I came up to tell you dinner is on the table.”


	16. Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here’s the thing, I’m starting to really struggle with these and it’s getting to the point where I’m not enjoying writing then. It’s been nice writing (mostly) happy stuff but honestly I want to get back to Sabbatical and the angst. 
> 
> Thank you guys for all the support with these one shots. I wish I could finish the whole alphabet for you but I feel like if I keep pushing myself the quality is going to tank and you guys don’t deserve sub par stuff. I might come back and finish these one day, I might not, but I have enjoyed writing them. 
> 
> Happy new year guys!

The Wolfe Christmas party has been part of Holby City Hospital tradition since Serena’s first year as head of AAU, even before Bernie started working alongside her she was treated as part of the AAU family, had no problem at all opening her home to the people Serena had chosen to surround herself with. This year is no exception and if anything, it’s going to be the biggest one yet.

The date is set for Boxing Day, Bernie agrees to work the day shift so Serena can be at home organising things, can be there when the first wave of guests arrive. It’s a blessedly quiet shift, just her and Raf plus an agency nurse from Kellar so that Fletch can spend the whole day with the kids. They only go into theatre once, a straightforward appendectomy, and the hand over to the night staff is quick and easy. Bernie offers Raf a lift since they are going the same way, suggests he’ll be able to relax and have a drink if he leaves the car at the hospital, promises she has a good whiskey stashed in the back of a cupboard that she doesn’t mind sharing, it’s the only persuasion it takes.

By the time they get there the party is in full swing, the large Christmas tree lit proudly in the window and Bernie pushes into the houses, is hit by a wall of noise as soon as it’s closed behind her. She takes Raf’s coat to hang up then sneaks up the stairs, wants to change her shirt and splash water on her face before she sees everyone, it might not have been a busy shift but it was long and she feels tired, a little grubby, hopes the quick change and some cold water will push the feelings back until she has time to do something about them. She’s stood at the sink in her bra and jeans, splashing her face, when warm hands slip round her waist and she nearly jumps a foot in the air.

“Only me,” Serena says with just enough purr that Bernie knows she’s on her third glass of Shiraz, “Raf said you’d come in together, I thought I’d come and make sure everything was ok,”

“Fine, I was just freshening up,” Bernie nods, turns so she is facing her wife, tries to ignore the spike of feeling the other woman’s hands sliding lightly over her waist causes, finds it is eclipsed anyway by the desire that bulldozes her when she takes in her wife. Serena’s cheeks are glowing, her eyes twinkling and her lips are painted a sinful shade of dark red that goes with the dress she’s wearing, a dress that Bernie has never seen before, a dress she very much wants to see again. “This is lovely,” she said, strokes her hands over her wife’s waist, hugged perfectly by the material, it’s not the only part of her that is hugged perfectly.

“It’s new,” Serena says, fakes shy and Bernie leans down to kiss her lightly, “I thought you might like it,”

“Oh I do,” Bernie grins, “in fact, I love it, but you should get back to our guests before I get carried away. I’ll be down in just a second.”

“Would getting carried away be so bad?” Serena smirks, slides one hand over Bernie’s stomach, between her breasts until she can slide it around her neck, pushes on her tiptoes to kiss the blonde with more promise.

“It would be when Ric or Fletch or Raf came looking for us,” Bernie’s chuckles, kisses Serena again with the promise of later, slides from between her wife and the sink before her willpower crumbles altogether.

* * *

  
Bernie is swept up in conversation the minute she hits the bottom of the stairs, checks in with Cam as she passes, then Jason who seems to be sitting just in the right side of comfortable, thinks she should keep an eye on him just in case things become too much. She doesn’t see Serena until she makes it to the kitchen for a drink, stands shoulder to shoulder with her while she prepares a whiskey for herself and Raf.

“You did a good job love,” she murmurs, “everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. Even Jason looks like he might be having a good time.”

“I’m glad,” Serena bobs her head, turns to face the blonde with a smile, “merry Christmas darling,” she says, clinks their glasses together.

“Merry Christmas,” Bernie echoes, chuckles when she tilts her head back and finds mistletoe hanging above their heads, nudges Serena lightly and points upwards, “care for a kiss? I’d hate Cam to have waisted time putting all of this up.”


End file.
